Address To The Toothache – Burns Night

Researching for my "Toast to the Lassies" at the Burns Supper at 
The Celtic Ross Hotel tonight, I came across this poem:

Address To The Toothache 
My curse upon your venom'd stang, 
That shoots my tortur'd gums alang, 
An' thro' my lug gies mony a twang, 
Wi' gnawing vengeance, 
Tearing my nerves wi' bitter pang, 
Like racking engines! 

When fevers burn, or argues freezes, 
Rheumatics gnaw, or colics squeezes, 
Our neibor's sympathy can ease us, 
Wi' pitying moan; 
But thee - thou hell o' a' diseases - 
Aye mocks our groan. 

Adown my beard the slavers trickle 
I throw the wee stools o'er the mickle, 
While round the fire the giglets keckle, 
To see me loup, 
While, raving mad, I wish a heckle 
Were in their doup! 

In a' the numerous human dools, 
Ill hairsts, daft bargains, cutty stools, 
Or worthy frien's rak'd i' the mools, - 
Sad sight to see! 
The tricks o' knaves, or fash o'fools, 
Thou bear'st the gree! 

Where'er that place be priests ca' hell, 
Where a' the tones o' misery yell, 
An' ranked plagues their numbers tell, 
In dreadfu' raw, 
Thou, Toothache, surely bear'st the bell, 
Amang them a'! 

O thou grim, mischief-making chiel, 
That gars the notes o' discord squeel, 
Till daft mankind aft dance a reel 
In gore, a shoe-thick, 
Gie a' the faes o' Scotland's weal 
A townmond's toothache!
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: