“My week” by Dominic Cummings – an exerpt

A wonderful spoof via the essential John Naughton’s Memex


I’m walking by the Embankment when I see a man, in black suit and bowler with a briefcase standing by a tree.

He says, “Hello, Dominic, it’s been a long time.”
“Who are you?” I ask.
“Don’t you remember me?” he says.
“Were you on the Vote Leave campaign?” I ask.
“Oh, I met you long before that,” he replies.
“Do you know Gove?” I ask.
“In a sense,” he smirks.
I look over my shoulder and all along the Embankment in both directions, then whisper, “it wasn’t Russia was it? Because that was all a long time ago and I really can’t remember much of the details.”
“No, Dom, it was before Russia, don’t you remember?” he smiles.
“No, who are you?” I say.
“I’ve got something for you,” he says, opening his brief case and handing me a piece of paper. I read it.
“What is this?” I ask, incredulously.
“Don’t you remember? That late night in the Premier Inn at Durham Services. You were staying there after your night club had been closed down,” he asks.
“No, not you, it can’t be,” I reply.
“A deal is a deal, Dominic,” he says.
“Why now? Please, it’s too soon…” I tell him.
“It is dated at the bottom, Friday 13 November 2020,” he says.
“You’re the devil,” I say.

“Quite right, Dominic. All those years ago you sold your soul to me, in return for taking Britain out of the EU. Good deal that, got Farage with that one as well, two for the price of one,” he gloats.
“And being the most powerful man in the country, that was part of the deal,” I say.
“You’ve had that, couldn’t do much for Farage on that one,” he replies.
“Look, I’ll give you all I’ve got, anything, just don’t take me away. Surely, we can do I deal?” I plead.
“A sort of doubling down?” asks the devil.
“Yes, anything, please,” I beg.
“What have you got, that I could possibly want?” he says.
“How would you like to be the first chief executive of the Advanced Research Projects Agency?” I ask.
“Don’t you have to be a scientist for that?” he says.
“Don’t you start as well,” I reply.
“Intriguing, tell me more…” he says, and we wander off down the Embankment.

Full week available here


Published by Alun Rees

Dental Business Coach. Analyst. Troubleshooter. Consultant. Writer. Presenter. Broadcaster.

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